1 00:02:56,221 --> 00:02:59,457 I thought about starting at the beginning. 2 00:03:02,864 --> 00:03:04,895 But that's not how I remember it. 3 00:03:12,936 --> 00:03:14,205 It's all a series of 4 00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:16,207 fragments. 5 00:03:18,743 --> 00:03:20,345 Repetitions. 6 00:03:22,781 --> 00:03:25,082 Pattern formations. 7 00:03:47,071 --> 00:03:49,374 When there are no words for the pain... 8 00:03:54,446 --> 00:03:57,248 let your imagination change what you know. 9 00:03:59,484 --> 00:04:01,186 Conglomerates. 10 00:04:01,219 --> 00:04:03,121 Movement of land in the freedom of water. 11 00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:07,991 A ring around a rock is luck. 12 00:04:09,194 --> 00:04:11,028 Smoothed into a small thing. 13 00:04:12,831 --> 00:04:14,898 Sandstone is soothing and lucid. 14 00:04:14,932 --> 00:04:17,402 Shale, of course, is rational. 15 00:04:17,435 --> 00:04:18,902 Red rock is earth blood. 16 00:04:21,106 --> 00:04:23,006 You believe in blue. 17 00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:51,935 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 18 00:04:52,837 --> 00:04:54,272 Memories... 19 00:04:56,741 --> 00:04:58,075 are stories. 20 00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:03,214 So you better come up with one you can live with. 21 00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:24,102 Smiley face. 22 00:05:31,342 --> 00:05:32,477 Flower. 23 00:05:44,756 --> 00:05:46,089 Christmas tree. 24 00:06:09,614 --> 00:06:10,615 Stop. 25 00:06:11,783 --> 00:06:13,618 Claudia, go upstairs. 26 00:06:13,651 --> 00:06:14,652 Go! 27 00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:18,656 Move! 28 00:06:25,597 --> 00:06:27,499 You just let me know when you're finished. 29 00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:29,767 We can do this all night. 30 00:06:40,378 --> 00:06:41,713 Fuck it! 31 00:07:22,387 --> 00:07:24,522 I think it'll feel nice, Claudia. 32 00:07:24,556 --> 00:07:27,458 I really think it will. Fix you right up. 33 00:07:29,861 --> 00:07:31,429 Fix you right up. 34 00:07:41,673 --> 00:07:43,007 Sing with me, Belle. 35 00:07:43,041 --> 00:07:45,577 ♪ Oh, my darlin' ♪ 36 00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:47,378 ♪ Oh, my darlin' ♪ 37 00:07:47,412 --> 00:07:50,515 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪ 38 00:07:50,548 --> 00:07:52,817 Come on, Lidia Belle. Sing with me. 39 00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:54,686 You know all the lyrics. 40 00:07:54,719 --> 00:07:59,290 ♪ You're lost and gone forever ♪ 41 00:07:59,324 --> 00:08:01,526 ♪ Dreadful sorrow ♪ 42 00:08:01,559 --> 00:08:04,729 It was my voice that left. 43 00:08:08,132 --> 00:08:10,501 Sometimes I think it arrived on paper. 44 00:08:11,436 --> 00:08:13,705 I wrote pictures and true things. 45 00:08:13,738 --> 00:08:15,740 Lies interchangeably. 46 00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:19,110 Made me feel like, like someone else. 47 00:08:19,143 --> 00:08:21,479 Oh, for Christ's sake! 48 00:08:21,512 --> 00:08:23,147 I wrote words to belong to. 49 00:08:23,181 --> 00:08:24,649 That is our daughter! 50 00:08:24,682 --> 00:08:26,284 Not daughter. 51 00:08:27,619 --> 00:08:28,786 To swimmer. 52 00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:31,756 To safety. 53 00:08:31,789 --> 00:08:33,157 To girls. 54 00:08:33,191 --> 00:08:34,759 Make my skin hot. 55 00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:36,060 My head hurt. 56 00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:38,229 My mother. Her hair. 57 00:08:38,896 --> 00:08:40,531 Her scar. 58 00:08:40,565 --> 00:08:42,467 Her stories. 59 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:45,737 I won a prize for that story, Belle. 60 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,905 And your daddy 61 00:08:49,607 --> 00:08:53,311 won an art prize for this drawing. 62 00:08:54,512 --> 00:08:57,415 How gone she was. 63 00:09:02,353 --> 00:09:04,889 And my sister. My adoration. 64 00:09:04,922 --> 00:09:07,425 My sister. My awe. 65 00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:10,762 You look like a bum in that dumpy sack shirt. 66 00:09:10,795 --> 00:09:12,330 It does nothing for you. 67 00:09:13,231 --> 00:09:14,432 Look at me. 68 00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:18,403 You trying to look like a man? 69 00:09:18,436 --> 00:09:21,406 My sister. Taking everything. 70 00:09:28,346 --> 00:09:30,448 Before you were even born. 71 00:09:58,177 --> 00:09:59,510 In the house. 72 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,715 Alone in my room. 73 00:10:04,716 --> 00:10:06,217 My arms ache. 74 00:10:06,984 --> 00:10:08,386 My sister is gone. 75 00:10:10,388 --> 00:10:12,690 My mother is... 76 00:10:12,724 --> 00:10:13,725 gone. 77 00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:18,496 My father designs houses in the room next to mine. 78 00:10:18,529 --> 00:10:19,864 He's smoking. 79 00:10:34,779 --> 00:10:35,780 Hey, honey. 80 00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,358 Hey. 81 00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:59,003 I wait for five a.m. 82 00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:02,673 I pray 83 00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,710 to swim. 84 00:11:20,992 --> 00:11:22,426 My baby girl. 85 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:27,431 Growing up so fast. 86 00:11:33,704 --> 00:11:34,872 A teenager. 87 00:11:37,276 --> 00:11:38,609 In high school. 88 00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:40,545 I can't believe it. 89 00:11:40,578 --> 00:11:42,346 All right. Line up. 90 00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:45,082 Ladies, weigh in. You know the drill. 91 00:11:45,117 --> 00:11:47,318 One lick for every pound you're over. 92 00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:48,853 Torres. 93 00:11:50,521 --> 00:11:51,689 Atta girl. 94 00:12:00,364 --> 00:12:03,701 That's right, there you go. 95 00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:06,205 Reimer. Three pounds. 96 00:12:10,474 --> 00:12:11,843 Faster. 97 00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:16,347 Come on, baby. 98 00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:18,449 Harder! 99 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,864 Yuknavitch. One for you, freshman. 100 00:12:32,897 --> 00:12:34,632 So we'll make it count. 101 00:12:54,952 --> 00:12:56,387 Go! 102 00:13:07,565 --> 00:13:09,800 How many miles does it take 103 00:13:13,871 --> 00:13:14,939 to swim 104 00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:20,811 to a self? 105 00:13:24,383 --> 00:13:25,583 How 106 00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:27,418 many 107 00:13:27,985 --> 00:13:29,487 fucking 108 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,323 miles? 109 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:38,297 We set a record! 110 00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,731 We set a fucking record! 111 00:13:40,765 --> 00:13:42,200 We are proud to announce 112 00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:44,468 that our 200-yard medley relay gold-medal winners 113 00:13:44,502 --> 00:13:46,138 from the Florida Aquatic Swim Team 114 00:13:46,171 --> 00:13:48,572 have achieved the best time in the entire nation. 115 00:13:48,606 --> 00:13:50,074 Congratulations. 116 00:13:50,108 --> 00:13:51,742 Scouts are watching, seniors. 117 00:14:17,969 --> 00:14:19,870 So you really want this, huh? 118 00:14:25,977 --> 00:14:27,044 Okay. 119 00:14:46,564 --> 00:14:48,766 You only got a three-quarter ride. 120 00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:54,839 Hey, if they wanted you, 121 00:14:54,872 --> 00:14:58,176 they would have offered the whole nine yards, huh? 122 00:15:14,159 --> 00:15:17,561 "We are delighted to offer a partial scholarship." 123 00:15:19,063 --> 00:15:20,432 Half. 124 00:15:20,465 --> 00:15:22,167 You're better than that. 125 00:15:25,404 --> 00:15:26,837 Last one. 126 00:15:41,153 --> 00:15:43,188 In my head, I swam laps. 127 00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:46,957 Didn't even get one full ride. 128 00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,564 Hey. Don't blame me. 129 00:15:54,765 --> 00:15:56,767 If they don't want you, then you don't belong there. 130 00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,702 I could taste blood. 131 00:15:58,736 --> 00:16:01,139 The answer is no. 132 00:16:02,107 --> 00:16:03,108 Why? 133 00:16:11,216 --> 00:16:12,217 Because he could. 134 00:16:15,387 --> 00:16:16,587 What? 135 00:16:17,222 --> 00:16:18,722 And I was his. 136 00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:33,371 Hey. Look at me. 137 00:16:45,517 --> 00:16:47,051 Look at me. 138 00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:58,296 I only want the best for you. 139 00:17:00,298 --> 00:17:01,333 You know that. 140 00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:06,770 I knew he could feel it. 141 00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:09,274 That pink muscle. 142 00:17:10,175 --> 00:17:11,176 Pushing 143 00:17:13,278 --> 00:17:14,412 and pushing. 144 00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:17,149 You should all be out there warming up. 145 00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:18,816 For all that it's worth. 146 00:17:23,555 --> 00:17:25,357 Hey, Lidia. 147 00:17:27,392 --> 00:17:29,227 Do you need a hand? 148 00:17:29,261 --> 00:17:31,028 I'm a coach from Texas Tech. 149 00:17:32,164 --> 00:17:33,697 I'm excited to meet you. 150 00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:35,065 Let's talk. 151 00:17:35,733 --> 00:17:37,668 Like to have you on our team. 152 00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:57,855 Yes. 153 00:18:04,094 --> 00:18:06,096 I almost loved her. 154 00:18:12,637 --> 00:18:14,372 Let's go, Belle. 155 00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:42,733 'Cause I know you, Lidia. I know what you do. 156 00:18:42,766 --> 00:18:45,637 And it is disgusting. Disgusting! You hear me? 157 00:18:45,670 --> 00:18:47,706 It's fucking disgusting, Lidia. 158 00:18:47,738 --> 00:18:50,275 You should be ashamed of your-- 159 00:18:53,678 --> 00:18:54,979 Lidia! 160 00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:00,017 This is control. 161 00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:03,455 I am controlling myself. 162 00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:08,759 You don't know how far I can go. 163 00:19:26,977 --> 00:19:30,781 My bedroom holds the wet and the dark of my body. 164 00:19:34,452 --> 00:19:36,053 It smells like my sweat... 165 00:19:37,622 --> 00:19:38,822 and chlorine. 166 00:19:51,736 --> 00:19:52,836 Hey. 167 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,239 Can't sleep, huh? 168 00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:56,608 Yeah. Me neither. 169 00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:08,486 Come here. 170 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:09,521 I want to talk to you. 171 00:20:15,059 --> 00:20:18,129 Listen. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately. 172 00:20:20,231 --> 00:20:21,232 I guess I just 173 00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:25,136 really worry about you out there. 174 00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:30,141 Things are gonna be different when you go to college. 175 00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:33,144 I want you to listen to me. 176 00:20:33,178 --> 00:20:36,247 He narrated what boys would do to me. 177 00:20:37,415 --> 00:20:39,150 How they would put their dirty hands 178 00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:41,852 up my skirt and finger-fuck me. 179 00:20:42,754 --> 00:20:43,954 Fondle my tits. 180 00:20:47,692 --> 00:20:48,892 Suck them. 181 00:20:50,894 --> 00:20:53,365 How disgusting boys would be. 182 00:20:55,266 --> 00:20:56,900 Their hands, 183 00:20:56,934 --> 00:20:59,104 their hips wanting in and up. 184 00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:01,106 And their dicks. 185 00:21:02,273 --> 00:21:03,375 And his. 186 00:21:04,074 --> 00:21:05,876 Me sitting next to him, 187 00:21:07,077 --> 00:21:08,879 feeling the heat of him 188 00:21:10,047 --> 00:21:11,483 without even looking. 189 00:22:11,109 --> 00:22:12,644 What you doing out here? 190 00:22:19,784 --> 00:22:21,719 What's the matter with you, huh? 191 00:22:26,224 --> 00:22:28,091 I want you to know that, um, 192 00:22:32,497 --> 00:22:33,498 I love you. 193 00:22:41,473 --> 00:22:42,474 Huh. 194 00:22:50,915 --> 00:22:52,417 You're a fucking whore. 195 00:23:00,859 --> 00:23:02,993 You have something to say to me? 196 00:23:03,561 --> 00:23:04,562 Huh? 197 00:23:11,436 --> 00:23:13,905 Fuck you, motherfucker. 198 00:23:13,938 --> 00:23:15,038 What did you-- 199 00:23:15,072 --> 00:23:16,641 what did you just say? 200 00:23:19,544 --> 00:23:20,578 Fuck you, 201 00:23:21,679 --> 00:23:23,114 motherfucker. 202 00:23:24,949 --> 00:23:26,951 Get the fuck 203 00:23:26,985 --> 00:23:29,187 out of my way! 204 00:24:06,591 --> 00:24:07,725 All I thought 205 00:24:13,765 --> 00:24:16,334 was my own wide-open cunt 206 00:24:21,272 --> 00:24:22,607 as open as a mouth 207 00:24:24,042 --> 00:24:24,976 screaming 208 00:24:25,009 --> 00:24:26,110 Mother. Mother! 209 00:24:26,144 --> 00:24:27,445 Motherfucker. 210 00:24:30,848 --> 00:24:32,784 Motherfucker. 211 00:24:51,703 --> 00:24:54,238 I didn't know a girl body could do that. 212 00:24:57,542 --> 00:24:59,243 Shoot cum. 213 00:25:30,675 --> 00:25:32,176 My own thoughts. Mine. 214 00:25:32,210 --> 00:25:33,311 My own space. 215 00:25:33,344 --> 00:25:34,512 My own booze. My own tits. 216 00:25:34,545 --> 00:25:36,781 My own days. My own nights. Mine. 217 00:25:36,814 --> 00:25:38,583 My own sex. My own booze. 218 00:25:38,616 --> 00:25:41,085 My own food. My own thoughts. My own friends. My own space. 219 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,320 Mine. 220 00:25:44,522 --> 00:25:45,790 Mine. 221 00:25:48,793 --> 00:25:49,794 Mine. 222 00:25:51,095 --> 00:25:54,165 Mine, mine, mine, mine. My own freedom. 223 00:26:10,581 --> 00:26:11,582 Mine. 224 00:26:12,151 --> 00:26:13,351 Mine, mine, mine. 225 00:26:18,656 --> 00:26:20,825 Like something pressed so far down 226 00:26:20,858 --> 00:26:21,859 in a body, 227 00:26:23,828 --> 00:26:24,962 it had to explode. 228 00:26:29,867 --> 00:26:31,436 Yuk! 229 00:26:35,773 --> 00:26:38,476 Where do you think you're going? 230 00:26:39,277 --> 00:26:40,478 I know you. 231 00:26:43,981 --> 00:26:45,349 You're going nowhere. 232 00:27:04,902 --> 00:27:08,873 ♪ A miner, 49-er, and his daughter, ♪ 233 00:27:08,906 --> 00:27:10,675 ♪ Clementine ♪ 234 00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:18,649 ♪ Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' ♪ 235 00:27:18,683 --> 00:27:22,320 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪ 236 00:27:22,353 --> 00:27:24,956 ♪ You were lost ♪ 237 00:27:24,989 --> 00:27:27,258 ♪ And gone forever ♪ 238 00:27:27,291 --> 00:27:29,260 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪ 239 00:27:36,067 --> 00:27:38,170 So far from my father. 240 00:27:38,203 --> 00:27:40,772 So far from my father. 241 00:27:40,805 --> 00:27:43,040 So far from my father. 242 00:27:43,074 --> 00:27:44,542 So far from my father. 243 00:27:56,087 --> 00:27:57,421 I just want. 244 00:28:06,864 --> 00:28:07,965 I love your hands. 245 00:28:10,101 --> 00:28:11,469 I love your voice. 246 00:28:13,905 --> 00:28:17,441 It's my father and my brother who have the real voices. 247 00:28:18,976 --> 00:28:21,345 I always hear them in my head. 248 00:28:22,281 --> 00:28:23,481 Really? 249 00:28:25,250 --> 00:28:26,684 What are they saying? 250 00:28:30,721 --> 00:28:32,757 They're singin' "Amazing Grace." 251 00:28:37,162 --> 00:28:38,729 Voices of God. 252 00:28:39,997 --> 00:28:40,998 Fuck me. 253 00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:43,701 Yeah. 254 00:28:45,736 --> 00:28:47,572 No. Really. 255 00:28:48,906 --> 00:28:49,907 Fuck me. 256 00:29:00,585 --> 00:29:02,120 Poor Phillip. 257 00:29:05,022 --> 00:29:07,259 I wish I could go back and apologize. 258 00:29:21,306 --> 00:29:24,508 ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 259 00:29:27,979 --> 00:29:30,481 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 260 00:29:32,016 --> 00:29:34,886 Fuck all y'all! 261 00:29:34,919 --> 00:29:36,554 Eat me! 262 00:29:36,587 --> 00:29:38,789 ♪ I've been a-searchin' ♪ 263 00:29:40,192 --> 00:29:42,560 ♪ For the dolphins ♪ 264 00:29:42,593 --> 00:29:45,830 Just a regular James Taylor, 265 00:29:45,863 --> 00:29:49,500 singin' his heart out here in Texas! 266 00:29:50,868 --> 00:29:53,938 ♪ And sometimes I wonder ♪ 267 00:29:54,872 --> 00:29:59,577 ♪ Do you ever think of me? ♪ 268 00:30:03,581 --> 00:30:06,550 ♪ This world may never change ♪ 269 00:30:09,887 --> 00:30:13,691 ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 270 00:30:16,694 --> 00:30:19,096 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 271 00:30:25,536 --> 00:30:28,140 Lidia. Why do you always do that? 272 00:30:34,779 --> 00:30:37,115 It's funny. Come on. It's... 273 00:30:37,149 --> 00:30:38,716 Funny! You know it. 274 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,755 Such a pussy! 275 00:30:45,424 --> 00:30:47,525 Come on. Learn how to take a-- 276 00:30:47,558 --> 00:30:50,594 Joke. You're so fucking sensitive. 277 00:30:54,399 --> 00:30:55,900 This is probably 278 00:30:55,933 --> 00:30:57,868 one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen. 279 00:31:01,605 --> 00:31:02,873 This is what I'm-- 280 00:31:03,808 --> 00:31:05,643 This is what I'm talking about. 281 00:31:05,676 --> 00:31:09,780 It's like-- It's like talking to a fucking doorknob. 282 00:31:09,814 --> 00:31:12,483 Why don't you say something? 283 00:31:13,218 --> 00:31:14,585 Please say anything. 284 00:31:14,618 --> 00:31:16,520 I'm being a fucking bitch, 285 00:31:16,554 --> 00:31:18,923 so why don't you do something about it? 286 00:31:22,593 --> 00:31:24,595 You're not a bitch. 287 00:31:27,299 --> 00:31:28,666 Fuck you, Phillip! 288 00:31:30,868 --> 00:31:33,537 You don't even fucking know me, Phillip. 289 00:31:58,263 --> 00:31:59,563 "Phillip" 290 00:32:00,698 --> 00:32:02,700 means "lover of horses." 291 00:32:05,337 --> 00:32:06,537 God damn. 292 00:32:07,339 --> 00:32:09,040 Or "brotherhood." 293 00:32:20,485 --> 00:32:22,720 Wake up, motherfucker! 294 00:32:39,538 --> 00:32:42,474 Hey, Lids. Want to get out of here? 295 00:32:42,507 --> 00:32:45,143 She's good, man. I'll take her back. 296 00:32:50,515 --> 00:32:53,118 Hey, man. Shut that door. 297 00:32:53,151 --> 00:32:55,353 Just shut the goddamn door! 298 00:32:57,522 --> 00:32:59,357 Haven't seen you at practice. 299 00:33:00,425 --> 00:33:01,892 Yeah. I flunked out. 300 00:33:04,429 --> 00:33:05,729 That's cool. 301 00:33:18,510 --> 00:33:21,379 I can still feel my face. 302 00:33:32,524 --> 00:33:34,292 Addiction is in me for sure. 303 00:33:36,694 --> 00:33:39,397 But I want to describe something else to you. 304 00:33:40,432 --> 00:33:41,665 Something smaller. 305 00:33:43,801 --> 00:33:45,137 It's a smaller word. 306 00:33:47,405 --> 00:33:48,406 Mama? 307 00:33:51,143 --> 00:33:53,911 So small, it could travel a bloodstream. 308 00:33:59,317 --> 00:34:01,051 Go away, Belle. 309 00:34:16,568 --> 00:34:18,203 Go away, Belle. 310 00:34:23,741 --> 00:34:25,042 Nice. 311 00:34:28,613 --> 00:34:30,047 Stay away. 312 00:34:31,550 --> 00:34:33,318 This isn't anything for you. 313 00:34:35,620 --> 00:34:37,721 I'm not talking about anything. 314 00:34:39,823 --> 00:34:41,926 I'm not talking about anything. 315 00:34:51,503 --> 00:34:53,471 I'm not talking about anything. 316 00:35:00,911 --> 00:35:02,314 Dorothy? 317 00:35:04,649 --> 00:35:06,384 Get up. Get up. 318 00:35:34,044 --> 00:35:35,045 I'm sorry! 319 00:35:41,785 --> 00:35:43,221 I'm sorry. 320 00:35:44,855 --> 00:35:46,023 Yeah. 321 00:35:47,024 --> 00:35:48,025 Lidia, 322 00:35:49,461 --> 00:35:50,894 you can talk to us. 323 00:35:52,062 --> 00:35:53,063 It helps. 324 00:35:54,299 --> 00:35:55,300 Trust me. 325 00:36:10,848 --> 00:36:12,950 I'm not talking about anything. 326 00:36:14,818 --> 00:36:17,555 You know, I always like to say, uh... 327 00:36:19,691 --> 00:36:22,560 find meaning in life's traffic 328 00:36:23,861 --> 00:36:27,198 through clearing spiritual barriers. 329 00:36:48,453 --> 00:36:49,454 Uh, 330 00:36:52,357 --> 00:36:53,824 I'm proud of you. 331 00:36:56,328 --> 00:36:57,329 You know? 332 00:37:01,098 --> 00:37:02,099 Yeah. 333 00:37:03,635 --> 00:37:04,835 Yeah. 334 00:37:15,213 --> 00:37:16,214 Hey. 335 00:37:19,784 --> 00:37:21,085 Would you marry me? 336 00:37:39,903 --> 00:37:41,773 Mm. 337 00:37:48,413 --> 00:37:49,414 Okay. 338 00:37:52,817 --> 00:37:56,554 ♪ And children have their dreams ♪ 339 00:37:56,588 --> 00:37:59,324 ♪ To hold on to ♪ 340 00:38:02,025 --> 00:38:04,562 ♪ And how they fly ♪ 341 00:38:04,596 --> 00:38:07,198 ♪ Take us to the moon ♪ 342 00:38:09,099 --> 00:38:12,903 ♪ Yes, they flow from you ♪ 343 00:38:14,539 --> 00:38:17,475 ♪ They flow from you ♪ 344 00:38:19,110 --> 00:38:23,013 ♪ And they flow from you ♪ 345 00:38:25,383 --> 00:38:28,853 ♪ And women have themselves ♪ 346 00:38:28,887 --> 00:38:31,088 ♪ To hold on to ♪ 347 00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:36,694 ♪ And how they fly ♪ 348 00:38:36,728 --> 00:38:39,464 ♪ Take me by surprise ♪ 349 00:38:41,266 --> 00:38:45,570 ♪ They float from me ♪ 350 00:38:45,603 --> 00:38:49,474 ♪ They float from me ♪ 351 00:38:50,974 --> 00:38:55,078 ♪ And they float from me ♪ 352 00:39:00,618 --> 00:39:01,985 Aah! 353 00:39:06,891 --> 00:39:08,226 Aw! 354 00:39:14,265 --> 00:39:15,966 Oh! 355 00:39:22,373 --> 00:39:23,374 Oh! 356 00:39:27,010 --> 00:39:28,680 Sweetheart. 357 00:39:28,713 --> 00:39:29,980 You did so good. 358 00:39:30,013 --> 00:39:32,116 You did so good! 359 00:39:58,810 --> 00:40:00,578 I made you some tea. 360 00:40:00,612 --> 00:40:03,581 I don't want any tea. What are we gonna do? 361 00:40:07,017 --> 00:40:08,419 Lidia, 362 00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:10,288 I love you. 363 00:40:11,956 --> 00:40:15,193 And whatever you want to do, I'll support it. 364 00:40:20,063 --> 00:40:21,299 That's it? 365 00:40:26,237 --> 00:40:28,740 I need more than nothing 366 00:40:28,773 --> 00:40:31,910 from the most passive man on the fucking planet! 367 00:40:47,859 --> 00:40:49,727 Sorry. I've been kind of sick. 368 00:40:54,832 --> 00:40:56,501 You don't want anything. 369 00:40:56,534 --> 00:41:00,605 And you are killing me with your not wanting anything! 370 00:41:00,638 --> 00:41:03,374 - What were you thinking? - I don't know. 371 00:41:03,408 --> 00:41:07,312 I don't know. I don't know. It's fucking impossible! 372 00:41:07,345 --> 00:41:10,080 I can't stand how nice he-- 373 00:41:10,114 --> 00:41:12,216 I can't stand how nice he is! 374 00:41:12,250 --> 00:41:15,853 But...I couldn't have killed it either. 375 00:41:18,222 --> 00:41:19,490 I was thinking of-- 376 00:41:21,459 --> 00:41:23,728 maybe there's a world in which I-- 377 00:41:25,496 --> 00:41:26,598 I come and 378 00:41:27,765 --> 00:41:28,733 live with you 379 00:41:28,766 --> 00:41:29,867 in Eugene 380 00:41:29,901 --> 00:41:31,002 and take some classes 381 00:41:31,035 --> 00:41:32,804 where you're teaching and... 382 00:41:32,837 --> 00:41:36,374 I don't know. Maybe we could start, like, a little 383 00:41:38,943 --> 00:41:40,378 family. 384 00:41:45,416 --> 00:41:48,152 -Yes. -'Cause I think my life with him 385 00:41:48,186 --> 00:41:51,689 is gonna be like some sad, sad fucking country song. 386 00:41:51,723 --> 00:41:54,659 - And this is the only thing -Lidia, Lidia, I-- 387 00:41:54,692 --> 00:41:55,693 I said yes. 388 00:41:56,928 --> 00:41:58,363 Come home. 389 00:42:03,401 --> 00:42:04,402 Okay. 390 00:42:07,538 --> 00:42:08,539 Cool. 391 00:42:10,742 --> 00:42:13,177 Because she left me once 392 00:42:14,113 --> 00:42:15,546 to save her own life. 393 00:42:24,455 --> 00:42:26,157 What are you two doing back there, huh? 394 00:42:26,190 --> 00:42:27,825 Playing with yourselves? 395 00:42:29,694 --> 00:42:30,695 What? 396 00:42:31,829 --> 00:42:33,231 I bring them to the most beautiful scenery in the world, 397 00:42:33,264 --> 00:42:34,666 and--and they just 398 00:42:34,699 --> 00:42:35,800 playing grab-ass? 399 00:42:38,336 --> 00:42:40,705 Look out the goddamn window! 400 00:42:58,823 --> 00:42:59,824 Claudia, 401 00:43:00,892 --> 00:43:03,928 grab the hacksaw from under your mother's seat. 402 00:43:03,961 --> 00:43:05,630 Come on! Let's go. 403 00:43:30,655 --> 00:43:32,857 Here you go, sweetheart. 404 00:43:32,890 --> 00:43:33,891 For sustenance. 405 00:43:35,359 --> 00:43:36,761 For sustenance. 406 00:43:38,963 --> 00:43:40,231 You don't want it? 407 00:43:48,639 --> 00:43:49,741 Come on, honey. Just have a little sip. 408 00:43:49,774 --> 00:43:52,376 It'll warm you up. Mmm! 409 00:44:08,359 --> 00:44:11,562 ♪ Blowin' bubbles soft and fine... ♪ 410 00:44:22,673 --> 00:44:24,709 Well, thank God. 411 00:44:32,151 --> 00:44:33,584 Where's the tree? 412 00:44:36,654 --> 00:44:37,655 Just-- 413 00:44:42,059 --> 00:44:43,060 Mm. 414 00:44:45,663 --> 00:44:46,664 There. 415 00:44:47,498 --> 00:44:48,966 That's the picture. 416 00:44:58,976 --> 00:45:00,778 Welcome home. 417 00:45:00,812 --> 00:45:01,813 Oh! 418 00:45:06,151 --> 00:45:07,351 Come on in. 419 00:45:07,885 --> 00:45:09,053 I'll get that. 420 00:45:09,086 --> 00:45:10,688 Why? 'Cause I'm pregnant? 421 00:45:10,721 --> 00:45:11,722 Yeah. 422 00:45:16,861 --> 00:45:17,862 Oh. 423 00:45:37,348 --> 00:45:38,516 Here. 424 00:45:38,983 --> 00:45:40,351 Thanks. 425 00:45:41,986 --> 00:45:42,987 Mmm. 426 00:45:44,622 --> 00:45:45,756 Fuck. 427 00:45:53,431 --> 00:45:54,799 Thank you, Claudia. 428 00:45:59,770 --> 00:46:00,771 Oof. 429 00:46:03,941 --> 00:46:07,078 Do you remember when you used to make me do things? 430 00:46:09,614 --> 00:46:11,382 Like... 431 00:46:11,415 --> 00:46:14,253 "Here. Bite this apple." 432 00:46:14,286 --> 00:46:16,321 Sock it in my mouth. 433 00:46:18,723 --> 00:46:20,958 "Here. Smell this ashtray." 434 00:46:20,992 --> 00:46:23,461 "Just blow it. One, two..." 435 00:46:23,494 --> 00:46:26,063 Ashes all over my fucking face. 436 00:46:30,468 --> 00:46:32,170 I would have done anything. 437 00:46:37,074 --> 00:46:38,542 You were mythic to me. 438 00:46:42,580 --> 00:46:43,848 I remember when I went downstairs 439 00:46:43,881 --> 00:46:45,650 after you moved into the basement. 440 00:46:46,584 --> 00:46:51,822 And, um, realize how smart that was then but 441 00:46:54,226 --> 00:46:56,194 I used to look at all of your stuff 442 00:46:56,228 --> 00:46:58,130 and used to touch it. 443 00:46:59,231 --> 00:47:00,731 One time I found 444 00:47:00,765 --> 00:47:02,466 a razor blade in your purse. 445 00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:05,237 Cut myself on it. 446 00:47:05,270 --> 00:47:07,605 Made the fact that I had to pee hurt. 447 00:47:21,219 --> 00:47:22,586 I, um, 448 00:47:25,290 --> 00:47:26,490 I know that 449 00:47:26,524 --> 00:47:27,725 this is a... 450 00:47:28,526 --> 00:47:30,094 sacrifice. 451 00:47:32,096 --> 00:47:33,464 No, uh, 452 00:47:35,233 --> 00:47:36,600 It's just, you-- 453 00:47:39,003 --> 00:47:40,638 you were so little. Uh, 454 00:47:42,441 --> 00:47:43,641 uh-- 455 00:47:48,447 --> 00:47:49,647 yeah. 456 00:47:54,152 --> 00:47:55,153 Well, 457 00:47:57,688 --> 00:48:00,858 this is one way to Frankenstein your life. 458 00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:11,269 Maybe... 459 00:48:11,303 --> 00:48:13,671 I've been waiting for this. 460 00:48:24,216 --> 00:48:25,516 Mmm. 461 00:48:38,430 --> 00:48:40,798 Yes. Breathe. 462 00:48:42,434 --> 00:48:44,202 I know. 463 00:48:47,105 --> 00:48:48,706 Come on. Come on. 464 00:48:50,808 --> 00:48:51,909 You... 465 00:48:51,942 --> 00:48:52,943 can... 466 00:48:53,245 --> 00:48:54,545 do it. 467 00:49:36,620 --> 00:49:37,822 Where is she? 468 00:49:40,392 --> 00:49:41,592 Can I hold her? 469 00:49:43,128 --> 00:49:44,129 Uh, yeah. 470 00:49:48,366 --> 00:49:52,170 Just one second. We're just cleaning her up. 471 00:50:15,527 --> 00:50:16,794 Her lips are pink. 472 00:50:20,030 --> 00:50:21,031 They're pink. 473 00:51:37,342 --> 00:51:38,276 Just th-- 474 00:51:40,345 --> 00:51:42,012 throw it as far as you can. 475 00:52:07,172 --> 00:52:09,374 It's not funny. 476 00:52:13,043 --> 00:52:14,044 Get it. 477 00:52:33,665 --> 00:52:34,865 God! 478 00:53:07,465 --> 00:53:08,566 Sorry. 479 00:53:47,472 --> 00:53:50,108 Look. She's all over you. 480 00:53:52,377 --> 00:53:54,479 You're fucking laughing. 481 00:54:27,812 --> 00:54:30,148 What lived and died between us 482 00:54:32,517 --> 00:54:33,518 haunts me 483 00:54:34,853 --> 00:54:36,053 still. 484 00:54:39,691 --> 00:54:41,326 God damn, girl. 485 00:54:41,359 --> 00:54:43,561 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 486 00:54:45,296 --> 00:54:46,297 Yep. 487 00:54:51,503 --> 00:54:53,204 You got something to say? 488 00:54:55,306 --> 00:54:56,307 No way. 489 00:54:58,576 --> 00:54:59,611 Come on. 490 00:55:01,212 --> 00:55:05,082 You deserve this. You don't want to come with me? 491 00:55:05,116 --> 00:55:07,918 This is crazy. I'm not even a grad student. 492 00:55:07,951 --> 00:55:09,287 I'm basically just trolling the English department. 493 00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,389 You think Kesey gives a rat's ass 494 00:55:11,423 --> 00:55:12,791 about U of O rules? 495 00:55:12,824 --> 00:55:14,793 You will regret not doing this. 496 00:55:14,826 --> 00:55:16,861 They won't even let me enroll. 497 00:55:16,895 --> 00:55:19,364 Bullshit. I already told him about you. 498 00:55:19,864 --> 00:55:21,064 The-- 499 00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:23,201 These-- 500 00:55:26,104 --> 00:55:27,839 He's gonna love you. 501 00:55:32,510 --> 00:55:35,480 You don't want to write a novel with Ken Kesey? 502 00:55:56,367 --> 00:55:57,735 Hey, everyone. 503 00:55:57,769 --> 00:55:59,704 Um, hey, everybody. Hey. 504 00:56:03,675 --> 00:56:05,176 You're an idiot. 505 00:56:05,210 --> 00:56:07,512 Hi. Um, this is Lidia. 506 00:56:09,814 --> 00:56:11,282 -Say hi. -Hi. 507 00:56:14,486 --> 00:56:15,620 Well, hello. 508 00:56:16,254 --> 00:56:17,856 What do we have here? 509 00:56:17,889 --> 00:56:20,023 A triple-A tootsie? 510 00:56:23,328 --> 00:56:25,296 I know what happened to you. 511 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,401 Death is a motherfucker. 512 00:56:39,978 --> 00:56:41,179 Ah! 513 00:56:42,814 --> 00:56:44,616 Shit. 514 00:56:44,649 --> 00:56:45,483 - Jeff? - Yes. 515 00:56:45,517 --> 00:56:47,050 You think you can roll one? 516 00:56:47,084 --> 00:56:49,821 I always hate sitting in a room full of writers. 517 00:56:49,854 --> 00:56:51,122 Sure. 518 00:57:00,365 --> 00:57:02,032 The chair will be fine. 519 00:57:03,434 --> 00:57:05,270 I want you all 520 00:57:10,975 --> 00:57:13,043 I want you all to be winners. 521 00:57:13,711 --> 00:57:15,246 I want 522 00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:17,148 you to be warriors. 523 00:57:18,449 --> 00:57:19,450 Warriors. 524 00:57:20,118 --> 00:57:22,186 I'll give you the warrior test. 525 00:57:22,587 --> 00:57:23,821 Shit floats. 526 00:57:24,656 --> 00:57:25,990 Cream rises. 527 00:57:26,024 --> 00:57:29,059 Shit floats. Jerry Rubin. 528 00:57:31,094 --> 00:57:32,497 Cream rises. 529 00:57:40,438 --> 00:57:41,439 Ferlinghetti. 530 00:57:44,442 --> 00:57:45,443 Lord Buckley. 531 00:57:46,477 --> 00:57:47,745 Lenny Bruce. 532 00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:50,114 The greats. 533 00:57:52,016 --> 00:57:53,585 I want you to be great. 534 00:57:56,054 --> 00:57:57,488 Shit, somebody 535 00:57:58,623 --> 00:58:01,759 has got to create our culture for the next 50 years. 536 00:58:01,793 --> 00:58:03,194 And I want it to be you. 537 00:58:03,227 --> 00:58:04,929 All right. There are only two rules. 538 00:58:04,963 --> 00:58:06,331 One, 539 00:58:06,364 --> 00:58:08,333 do not talk the plot of our novel 540 00:58:08,366 --> 00:58:10,868 to anyone outside this class. 541 00:58:11,869 --> 00:58:15,406 Two, I comprise 50% of the class 542 00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,242 so we only write together 543 00:58:19,177 --> 00:58:21,145 because we will publish 544 00:58:21,179 --> 00:58:22,880 or perish together. 545 00:58:29,887 --> 00:58:31,489 Nelson Algren said 546 00:58:33,057 --> 00:58:34,659 "The job of the writer 547 00:58:35,627 --> 00:58:38,529 is to pull the judge down onto the dock, 548 00:58:40,064 --> 00:58:41,366 to make 549 00:58:42,433 --> 00:58:45,536 the Almighty feel what it's like to be down low." 550 00:58:46,738 --> 00:58:47,805 He'll be all right. 551 00:58:49,874 --> 00:58:51,542 Grass never killed anybody. 552 00:58:52,844 --> 00:58:54,679 So, go. 553 00:58:56,180 --> 00:58:57,515 Right now. 554 00:58:58,316 --> 00:59:00,151 Write some bizarre sentences. 555 00:59:00,184 --> 00:59:03,187 Hey! Where are you? 556 00:59:03,221 --> 00:59:06,924 You can't take Quaaludes before the class. 557 00:59:06,958 --> 00:59:09,060 Now disappear into your imagination. 558 00:59:09,093 --> 00:59:10,461 Come on! 559 00:59:10,495 --> 00:59:12,196 Disappear into your imagination. 560 00:59:12,230 --> 00:59:14,432 Nobody's in the room but you and that pen. 561 00:59:19,570 --> 00:59:20,705 Better. 562 00:59:23,108 --> 00:59:24,575 Here you are. 563 00:59:24,609 --> 00:59:26,177 This is the shit. 564 00:59:30,848 --> 00:59:32,583 I wrote "Demon Box" in here. 565 00:59:33,651 --> 00:59:36,087 This room here is a creative room here. 566 00:59:36,121 --> 00:59:37,588 It's a creative space. 567 00:59:37,622 --> 00:59:38,623 Hey, Bennett. 568 00:59:39,590 --> 00:59:41,225 You didn't bring any ludes with you, did you? 569 00:59:41,259 --> 00:59:44,395 You know, those kind of drugs put you into your body, 570 00:59:44,429 --> 00:59:45,730 not into your mind. 571 00:59:46,731 --> 00:59:50,802 Stick with the acid, psilocybin, San Pedro -- 572 00:59:50,835 --> 00:59:53,504 something that'll disintegrate your ego 573 00:59:53,538 --> 00:59:55,740 so you can hear your inner voice. 574 00:59:56,974 --> 00:59:58,876 And you write from that voice. 575 01:00:01,379 --> 01:00:03,614 You want your voice to come through. 576 01:00:08,286 --> 01:00:09,921 Oh, Jesus. 577 01:00:12,590 --> 01:00:14,726 That's not supposed to happen. 578 01:00:15,426 --> 01:00:17,462 I got wrestler's knees. 579 01:00:19,630 --> 01:00:21,133 All right. 580 01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,501 Let's get outside before the sun sets. 581 01:00:24,169 --> 01:00:25,369 I want you 582 01:00:26,904 --> 01:00:28,740 to meet someone. 583 01:00:32,144 --> 01:00:33,244 Come on! 584 01:00:33,644 --> 01:00:34,645 Fuck you, God! 585 01:00:36,414 --> 01:00:38,217 God got the commandments wrong. 586 01:00:38,249 --> 01:00:39,650 I think there's 11 commandments. 587 01:00:39,684 --> 01:00:42,386 And it should be the first commandment, have mercy. 588 01:00:42,420 --> 01:00:45,490 - Hey. - Lord, have mercy! 589 01:00:45,523 --> 01:00:47,992 Just think if everybody had mercy for each other, 590 01:00:48,025 --> 01:00:49,393 where we'd be today. 591 01:00:49,427 --> 01:00:51,629 You see a man in the street who needs a few dollars. 592 01:00:51,662 --> 01:00:55,700 Give it to him. Give it to him. Have mercy. He needs it. 593 01:00:55,733 --> 01:00:57,802 He wouldn't ask for it if he didn't need it. 594 01:01:00,071 --> 01:01:01,272 Mercy. 595 01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:04,375 Hire me to rewrite the... 596 01:01:05,543 --> 01:01:06,544 Bible. 597 01:01:28,466 --> 01:01:30,701 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 598 01:01:39,977 --> 01:01:40,978 Yep. 599 01:01:53,457 --> 01:01:55,893 You know, when Jed died, my boy, 600 01:01:56,994 --> 01:01:59,030 I wanted to cease to exist. 601 01:02:07,206 --> 01:02:11,475 And everybody that talked to me said something asinine. 602 01:02:15,012 --> 01:02:16,747 Or didn't say anything at all. 603 01:02:31,196 --> 01:02:33,464 Nobody understands death anymore. 604 01:02:38,237 --> 01:02:39,537 It used to be sacred. 605 01:02:40,172 --> 01:02:41,372 So sacred. 606 01:02:46,345 --> 01:02:47,545 Shit. 607 01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:52,516 No one's big enough to hold what happens to us. 608 01:02:56,188 --> 01:02:57,622 No one is big enough 609 01:02:59,191 --> 01:03:00,825 to hold what happens to us. 610 01:03:07,199 --> 01:03:08,799 You got something to say? 611 01:03:17,475 --> 01:03:18,809 It's in your hands. 612 01:03:42,900 --> 01:03:46,437 Everything about my father was in his hands. 613 01:03:51,376 --> 01:03:53,711 It's all about coordination. 614 01:03:56,248 --> 01:03:59,318 A perfectly balanced dance of 615 01:03:59,351 --> 01:04:00,718 shadow and light. 616 01:04:02,019 --> 01:04:04,822 Before my father was my father, 617 01:04:05,623 --> 01:04:07,192 he was an artist. 618 01:04:07,225 --> 01:04:10,661 Your daddy won a prize 619 01:04:10,695 --> 01:04:12,096 for this drawing. 620 01:04:14,799 --> 01:04:17,601 Before my father was an artist, 621 01:04:18,236 --> 01:04:19,503 he was an athlete. 622 01:04:21,539 --> 01:04:23,607 Before my father was my father, 623 01:04:27,011 --> 01:04:28,012 he was beautiful. 624 01:04:29,147 --> 01:04:30,148 And she was. 625 01:04:31,283 --> 01:04:32,984 Before my father was my father, 626 01:04:34,419 --> 01:04:35,619 he was a boy. 627 01:04:36,188 --> 01:04:37,488 Just a boy 628 01:04:38,190 --> 01:04:39,590 whose own mother 629 01:04:40,158 --> 01:04:41,993 cut his tongue. 630 01:04:48,166 --> 01:04:49,867 Before I hated him, 631 01:04:51,902 --> 01:04:52,903 I loved him. 632 01:04:59,043 --> 01:05:00,145 Look up. 633 01:05:00,178 --> 01:05:01,512 Now, if you don't look where you're going, 634 01:05:01,545 --> 01:05:02,847 you're gonna crash, you hear me? 635 01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:03,914 When you get to the bottom of the hill, 636 01:05:03,948 --> 01:05:06,151 you just brake enough to make a turn. 637 01:05:06,184 --> 01:05:07,185 Okay? 638 01:05:11,088 --> 01:05:12,556 Go. 639 01:05:12,590 --> 01:05:14,159 Keep your eyes on the road! 640 01:05:14,192 --> 01:05:15,526 Keep going. 641 01:05:16,027 --> 01:05:17,262 Keep your head up! 642 01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:23,502 Keep those eyes on the road. 643 01:05:23,534 --> 01:05:25,102 You gotta brake! 644 01:05:29,774 --> 01:05:30,941 Mike? 645 01:05:31,209 --> 01:05:32,210 Mike. 646 01:05:32,943 --> 01:05:34,179 Mike! 647 01:05:34,212 --> 01:05:35,980 -Get a flashlight. -What for? 648 01:05:36,013 --> 01:05:37,449 I think she's hurt down there. 649 01:05:37,482 --> 01:05:40,252 - What?! What happened?! 650 01:05:40,285 --> 01:05:41,420 Just shut the goddamn door. 651 01:05:42,387 --> 01:05:43,422 Mm, yeah. 652 01:05:43,455 --> 01:05:45,424 You done with that chapter? 653 01:05:51,129 --> 01:05:52,130 Yep. 654 01:06:10,848 --> 01:06:11,849 Hey. 655 01:06:12,983 --> 01:06:15,320 Hi. Hello. 656 01:06:20,525 --> 01:06:23,228 I'm a writer. 657 01:06:37,242 --> 01:06:38,510 Thank you. 658 01:06:39,511 --> 01:06:40,878 Thank you. 659 01:06:40,911 --> 01:06:44,882 We are gathered because, uh, we want to see the results. 660 01:06:44,915 --> 01:06:49,920 We want to witness the results of this experiment, 661 01:06:49,954 --> 01:06:54,359 a collaborative novel written by us. 662 01:06:55,427 --> 01:06:57,462 Please, let's welcome 663 01:06:57,496 --> 01:07:00,332 the first of the not-so-merry pranksters 664 01:07:00,365 --> 01:07:03,033 to the stage to present 665 01:07:04,302 --> 01:07:05,303 "Caverns." 666 01:07:06,304 --> 01:07:08,306 Lidia, come on up. 667 01:07:11,576 --> 01:07:13,077 You're gonna kill it. 668 01:07:31,229 --> 01:07:32,430 Whoo! 669 01:07:34,064 --> 01:07:35,300 Hello. 670 01:07:35,333 --> 01:07:37,402 My thigh, behind my knee. 671 01:07:37,435 --> 01:07:38,769 - There you go. - You, too? 672 01:07:38,802 --> 01:07:40,238 - Thank you for coming. - My ass crack. 673 01:07:40,272 --> 01:07:42,307 Back of my knees, and they're just like... 674 01:07:42,340 --> 01:07:43,674 Lidia's father. 675 01:07:44,742 --> 01:07:47,711 What can I say? I'm a great admirer of yours. 676 01:07:47,745 --> 01:07:49,381 Mike. Is that right? 677 01:07:50,215 --> 01:07:51,849 That's right. 678 01:07:51,882 --> 01:07:54,685 Glad you could make it. 679 01:07:54,718 --> 01:07:57,489 Lidia and I, we saw "Cuckoo's Nest" and, uh, 680 01:07:57,522 --> 01:08:00,458 "Sometimes a Great Notion" together, and it's just great. 681 01:08:00,492 --> 01:08:02,360 I mean, great books. 682 01:08:05,197 --> 01:08:06,464 You know, Mike 683 01:08:08,065 --> 01:08:09,099 Lidia here 684 01:08:10,768 --> 01:08:13,205 she can knock it out of the park. 685 01:08:17,375 --> 01:08:19,110 Do you want me to sign that? 686 01:08:23,582 --> 01:08:25,082 Thanks for coming, Dad. 687 01:08:30,655 --> 01:08:31,855 Okay. 688 01:08:32,424 --> 01:08:33,425 To... 689 01:08:34,159 --> 01:08:35,160 Mike? 690 01:08:36,161 --> 01:08:37,162 Please. 691 01:08:39,029 --> 01:08:40,030 "To Mike. 692 01:08:41,031 --> 01:08:42,032 Be 693 01:08:44,269 --> 01:08:45,270 brave." 694 01:08:54,979 --> 01:08:56,281 There you go, Mike. 695 01:09:00,918 --> 01:09:02,187 There you go, baby. 696 01:09:03,121 --> 01:09:04,054 Yep. 697 01:09:24,743 --> 01:09:27,178 I've seen a lot of writers come and go. 698 01:09:31,283 --> 01:09:32,417 You got the stuff. 699 01:09:38,989 --> 01:09:40,458 Got something for you. 700 01:09:41,058 --> 01:09:42,059 Here. 701 01:09:44,195 --> 01:09:45,196 Here. 702 01:09:47,965 --> 01:09:51,202 It comes from the most spiritual beach on Earth. 703 01:09:53,204 --> 01:09:54,205 Hold that. 704 01:09:56,341 --> 01:09:57,509 You can hold it all. 705 01:10:00,878 --> 01:10:02,946 You're gonna hold it all, girl. 706 01:10:09,621 --> 01:10:10,821 So, 707 01:10:12,290 --> 01:10:13,391 so, what's next? 708 01:10:16,661 --> 01:10:19,830 -Next? -Next. What is next? Next. 709 01:10:28,206 --> 01:10:30,941 I want to write "The Sound and the Fury." 710 01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:43,854 Of course you do, honey. 711 01:10:45,523 --> 01:10:46,857 Oh, boy. 712 01:10:51,995 --> 01:10:54,332 Here. Throw it and see if I can catch it. 713 01:10:54,366 --> 01:10:55,367 -Ready? -Yeah. 714 01:10:56,568 --> 01:10:58,102 -Ah! -Shit! 715 01:11:00,105 --> 01:11:01,106 Ah. 716 01:11:02,107 --> 01:11:05,008 A lot riding on that going in. 717 01:11:08,213 --> 01:11:10,281 It has no metaphor. 718 01:11:11,182 --> 01:11:13,518 - Okay. - Fuck metaphors. 719 01:11:14,152 --> 01:11:14,985 Okay. 720 01:11:15,018 --> 01:11:17,020 It's just a rock that fell. 721 01:11:25,963 --> 01:11:28,400 I'm gonna get the rock and I'm gonna go pee. 722 01:11:28,433 --> 01:11:30,100 -All right. -Ugh! 723 01:11:30,135 --> 01:11:32,337 Oh, yeah. There we go. You got it. 724 01:11:36,907 --> 01:11:39,210 That was the last time I saw him. 725 01:11:39,244 --> 01:11:41,212 You can write, girl! 726 01:11:41,246 --> 01:11:43,681 I'm of the opinion, that he drowned. 727 01:11:51,156 --> 01:11:53,758 Caddy wants to fuck. 728 01:11:53,792 --> 01:11:55,527 She's insatiable. 729 01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:59,264 And because her neighbor boy man has a giant pants bulge 730 01:11:59,297 --> 01:12:01,433 and a sound that comes out of him 731 01:12:01,466 --> 01:12:02,567 instead of language, 732 01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:04,101 she goes over to his house 733 01:12:04,135 --> 01:12:05,969 and she removes all of her clothes, 734 01:12:06,003 --> 01:12:07,971 so he finally fucks her 735 01:12:08,873 --> 01:12:10,475 and crushes her. 736 01:12:12,610 --> 01:12:14,846 He fucks her to death, 737 01:12:14,879 --> 01:12:17,348 and she loves it! 738 01:12:17,382 --> 01:12:20,785 And she laughs until she cries, and an ambulance has to come. 739 01:12:20,819 --> 01:12:22,085 But it's too late. 740 01:12:23,388 --> 01:12:25,490 That is "The Sound and the Fury." 741 01:12:26,925 --> 01:12:28,126 Trite. 742 01:12:29,427 --> 01:12:32,363 Look, I've already read "The Sound and the Fury." 743 01:12:32,397 --> 01:12:35,098 Reworking Faulkner is some college shit. 744 01:12:40,037 --> 01:12:42,340 Maybe try something original. 745 01:12:44,776 --> 01:12:45,976 God, 746 01:12:46,377 --> 01:12:47,378 I hate them. 747 01:12:47,912 --> 01:12:49,647 Hey. 748 01:12:49,681 --> 01:12:51,349 What the hell does he know? 749 01:12:51,883 --> 01:12:53,485 It is original. 750 01:12:53,518 --> 01:12:55,286 It's a fucking pastiche. 751 01:12:56,321 --> 01:12:58,456 - Hey! - Ha! Hey. 752 01:12:58,490 --> 01:13:01,392 You want to go to the coast? I got us a room. 753 01:13:01,793 --> 01:13:03,161 Hi, Hannah. 754 01:13:03,194 --> 01:13:04,896 We're actually gonna work on these this weekend. 755 01:13:04,929 --> 01:13:05,996 - Right. - Come on. 756 01:13:06,029 --> 01:13:07,398 Is your fly undone? 757 01:13:08,399 --> 01:13:09,367 Lids. 758 01:13:10,935 --> 01:13:13,103 - What is that? - Oh! 759 01:13:16,641 --> 01:13:18,008 I fucking dare you. 760 01:13:20,678 --> 01:13:21,679 Come on. 761 01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:23,848 Anything. 762 01:13:24,916 --> 01:13:26,251 Anytime. 763 01:13:26,284 --> 01:13:27,485 Whoa! 764 01:13:27,519 --> 01:13:29,120 Anywhere. Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. 765 01:13:29,153 --> 01:13:30,355 Please be careful! 766 01:13:30,388 --> 01:13:32,190 To feel absolutely 767 01:13:32,223 --> 01:13:34,024 nothing. 768 01:13:37,228 --> 01:13:39,364 I'm gonna go grab some firewood. 769 01:13:39,397 --> 01:13:41,566 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 770 01:14:04,122 --> 01:14:05,557 Is this like a-- 771 01:14:07,525 --> 01:14:08,593 a fuck trip? 772 01:14:13,865 --> 01:14:15,065 What? 773 01:14:17,335 --> 01:14:19,704 I've never -- I've never licked pussy. 774 01:14:20,738 --> 01:14:22,440 Oh! 775 01:15:29,073 --> 01:15:31,409 I wanted to stay like that. 776 01:15:40,351 --> 01:15:42,420 Outside of any word. 777 01:15:48,259 --> 01:15:50,395 Inside the unnamed wet. 778 01:16:18,756 --> 01:16:19,957 You okay? 779 01:17:06,571 --> 01:17:08,372 I love you, Lids. 780 01:17:19,151 --> 01:17:20,485 I really love you. 781 01:17:41,773 --> 01:17:42,774 Yeah. 782 01:17:43,808 --> 01:17:44,942 I'll see you later. 783 01:17:59,323 --> 01:18:00,691 In water, 784 01:18:01,959 --> 01:18:02,960 like in books 785 01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:07,832 you can leave your life. 786 01:18:30,988 --> 01:18:32,056 - I got it. 787 01:18:32,089 --> 01:18:33,357 - No! - I got it! 788 01:18:33,391 --> 01:18:35,227 I remember a happy childhood. 789 01:18:35,260 --> 01:18:36,961 Come on, come on. 790 01:18:36,994 --> 01:18:39,231 We dive, we swim, we race. 791 01:18:39,264 --> 01:18:40,965 Lidia went fast that time. 792 01:18:40,998 --> 01:18:44,101 We laugh like other people's children. 793 01:18:53,044 --> 01:18:56,981 I remember first and last names like Evie Kosenkranius 794 01:18:57,014 --> 01:18:58,482 and Lynn Collella Belle. 795 01:18:58,516 --> 01:19:01,886 Lynn Collella Belle. Lynn Collella Belle. 796 01:19:01,919 --> 01:19:02,987 Lynn Collella Belle. 797 01:19:05,523 --> 01:19:07,491 Making song loops in my skull. 798 01:19:07,525 --> 01:19:09,093 ♪ Lynn Collella ♪ 799 01:19:09,127 --> 01:19:10,862 ♪ Lynn Collella Belle ♪ 800 01:19:10,895 --> 01:19:11,863 Belle. 801 01:19:20,972 --> 01:19:23,108 Lynn Collella Belle. 802 01:19:33,017 --> 01:19:34,018 Mono? 803 01:19:35,354 --> 01:19:37,388 Isn't that the kissing disease? 804 01:19:40,925 --> 01:19:42,827 No. Don't be silly. 805 01:19:46,131 --> 01:19:47,765 Everything's gonna be okay, Belle. 806 01:19:47,798 --> 01:19:48,666 You'll see. 807 01:19:48,699 --> 01:19:49,934 You're gonna feel better. 808 01:19:53,604 --> 01:19:56,774 And your daddy's gonna take real good care of you. 809 01:19:58,277 --> 01:19:59,844 - Aren't you? - We'll be all right. 810 01:19:59,877 --> 01:20:02,947 Okay. Mama's gonna go sell some houses. 811 01:20:04,582 --> 01:20:06,417 Hey, honey. 812 01:20:12,324 --> 01:20:13,424 My baby girl. 813 01:20:14,759 --> 01:20:16,961 You just give it a couple of days. 814 01:20:20,798 --> 01:20:22,433 Shh. 815 01:20:23,467 --> 01:20:25,503 It is language letting me say... 816 01:20:25,536 --> 01:20:26,904 There you go. 817 01:20:26,938 --> 01:20:28,973 ...how four weeks can be years. 818 01:20:31,776 --> 01:20:34,146 It is the yielding expanse 819 01:20:34,512 --> 01:20:35,713 of a white 820 01:20:36,148 --> 01:20:37,349 page. 821 01:21:15,586 --> 01:21:18,589 Have you shown these to anyone? 822 01:21:20,292 --> 01:21:21,492 No. 823 01:21:27,399 --> 01:21:29,134 Like, body, 824 01:21:29,468 --> 01:21:30,668 skin 825 01:21:31,002 --> 01:21:32,003 scars. 826 01:21:34,572 --> 01:21:37,142 People always ask me why 827 01:21:37,175 --> 01:21:39,043 my work is so dark. 828 01:21:41,446 --> 01:21:44,282 What do you know about pain, Lidia? 829 01:21:45,549 --> 01:21:46,751 Um, 830 01:21:49,920 --> 01:21:50,921 I know that 831 01:21:53,325 --> 01:21:54,959 it matters to me. 832 01:21:57,661 --> 01:21:59,830 I'm gonna take care of you. 833 01:22:03,734 --> 01:22:05,036 Do you understand? 834 01:22:10,841 --> 01:22:12,810 Now ask me for what you want. 835 01:22:17,482 --> 01:22:18,682 Um. 836 01:22:20,718 --> 01:22:23,155 That's not right, angel. 837 01:22:23,188 --> 01:22:24,189 Um, 838 01:22:25,490 --> 01:22:26,690 um, 839 01:22:28,092 --> 01:22:29,093 I 840 01:22:30,328 --> 01:22:31,296 want 841 01:22:31,530 --> 01:22:32,464 you 842 01:22:32,497 --> 01:22:33,697 to 843 01:22:34,765 --> 01:22:36,100 Mm? 844 01:22:37,502 --> 01:22:39,271 Knock it out of me. 845 01:22:45,510 --> 01:22:46,877 To whip me. 846 01:22:48,280 --> 01:22:50,714 Where would you like to be whipped, 847 01:22:51,516 --> 01:22:52,716 angel? 848 01:22:56,687 --> 01:22:57,988 Everywhere. 849 01:23:03,661 --> 01:23:05,729 Take it somewhere. 850 01:23:08,666 --> 01:23:10,502 Take the pain somewhere. 851 01:23:17,242 --> 01:23:18,609 Mama. 852 01:23:28,819 --> 01:23:30,322 I am proud of you. 853 01:23:42,099 --> 01:23:45,035 I'm not trying to creep you out. 854 01:23:52,611 --> 01:23:54,279 I am trying to be precise. 855 01:24:03,954 --> 01:24:05,423 "At the moment my mother was whining, 856 01:24:05,457 --> 01:24:06,891 Daddy was smelling my cunt. 857 01:24:06,924 --> 01:24:08,826 I've reached my best moment now, he explained. 858 01:24:08,859 --> 01:24:10,761 Now I was sure what he was referring to. 859 01:24:10,794 --> 01:24:12,230 This is the moment of truth. 860 01:24:12,264 --> 01:24:14,332 I'm going off, off, off, jacking it off. 861 01:24:14,366 --> 01:24:16,401 My hands are gonna be broken from this one. 862 01:24:16,434 --> 01:24:17,835 I don't even recognize my own body. 863 01:24:17,868 --> 01:24:19,437 It doesn't matter. I know you're mine. 864 01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:20,938 I made you, I'm making you. 865 01:24:20,971 --> 01:24:22,440 I swore I'd live for pleasure. 866 01:24:22,474 --> 01:24:23,974 My tongue is fucking enormous. 867 01:24:24,008 --> 01:24:25,410 Feel it. It's reaching down to my waist. 868 01:24:25,443 --> 01:24:28,446 You're seeing your actual father in his moment of truth. 869 01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:29,914 God Almighty, nothing matters. 870 01:24:29,947 --> 01:24:32,284 You're my God, my daughter, I worship you. 871 01:24:32,317 --> 01:24:34,252 I beg you to do it show I can please you. 872 01:24:34,286 --> 01:24:36,820 Now look at it. It's big in my corkscrewing hand. 873 01:24:36,854 --> 01:24:38,856 Kiss it. My father explained again, 874 01:24:38,889 --> 01:24:41,759 I am fucking God and I made God. Holy shit. 875 01:24:41,792 --> 01:24:43,128 All I have to do is look at God, 876 01:24:43,161 --> 01:24:44,995 and God is happy 'cause I've made God cum. 877 01:24:45,029 --> 01:24:47,064 God is in heaven. I'm in heaven and I've died. 878 01:24:47,097 --> 01:24:49,733 The whole world in heaven. I'm cumming all over your face. 879 01:24:49,767 --> 01:24:50,968 I licked up his sperm." 880 01:24:51,001 --> 01:24:52,370 This is making me sick. 881 01:25:11,989 --> 01:25:14,992 Who in the hell do you think you are? 882 01:25:16,461 --> 01:25:18,028 My father's daughter. 883 01:26:00,004 --> 01:26:01,038 Goddamn. 884 01:26:02,274 --> 01:26:03,541 Year one. 885 01:26:03,575 --> 01:26:05,909 Vodka! 886 01:26:07,112 --> 01:26:10,080 I drink vodka, mostly all the time. 887 01:26:10,115 --> 01:26:12,684 One shot in the eye, shot in the eye. 888 01:26:12,717 --> 01:26:14,452 And felt nothing about myself. 889 01:26:17,988 --> 01:26:20,057 We drink, we laugh, we fuck. 890 01:26:20,958 --> 01:26:23,060 We make fuck-body paint shadows. 891 01:26:24,496 --> 01:26:27,332 We make performance art. We perform ourselves. 892 01:26:27,365 --> 01:26:29,800 Fuck you, God! 893 01:26:37,007 --> 01:26:40,312 Open the door! 894 01:26:40,345 --> 01:26:42,714 We carved each other's names into our arms. 895 01:26:42,747 --> 01:26:44,649 I did it for you! 896 01:26:47,252 --> 01:26:48,253 Fuck! 897 01:26:53,023 --> 01:26:54,259 We fuck septic. 898 01:26:54,292 --> 01:26:55,694 It was right in front of me, Devin. 899 01:26:55,727 --> 01:26:57,395 I could see exactly what was happening. 900 01:26:57,429 --> 01:26:59,497 -You don't even realize. -I don't even realize what?! 901 01:26:59,531 --> 01:27:01,733 You don't even realize I'm gonna fucking marry you. 902 01:27:01,766 --> 01:27:04,135 Whoa! Oh! 903 01:27:06,036 --> 01:27:07,871 To Mike and Dorothy. 904 01:27:07,905 --> 01:27:10,108 I'm so happy they fucked. 905 01:27:13,778 --> 01:27:16,614 - To skip to year six, - Hey! 906 01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:17,848 when underwater stories 907 01:27:17,881 --> 01:27:19,384 - start itching - Come on! 908 01:27:19,417 --> 01:27:20,851 and yelling begins a rhythm 909 01:27:20,884 --> 01:27:22,320 where drinking gets louder and him-- 910 01:27:22,354 --> 01:27:25,089 Go back to kissing women I know and kissing women I don't know! 911 01:27:25,123 --> 01:27:27,659 And what is a couple over time but a line? 912 01:27:27,692 --> 01:27:28,892 I'll show you a fucking line. 913 01:27:28,926 --> 01:27:31,463 Your fucking bullshit is taking over the house! 914 01:27:31,496 --> 01:27:34,098 It was taking over the house. 915 01:27:39,404 --> 01:27:40,405 Oh, no. 916 01:27:41,773 --> 01:27:42,973 Oh, no. 917 01:27:44,576 --> 01:27:45,577 Oh, no. 918 01:27:54,586 --> 01:27:55,886 Fuck. 919 01:28:01,393 --> 01:28:02,527 I don't wanna fuck. 920 01:28:04,763 --> 01:28:06,197 I want to read. 921 01:28:08,466 --> 01:28:09,467 Fuck you. 922 01:28:15,106 --> 01:28:17,308 I didn't want to drink. 923 01:28:19,544 --> 01:28:20,612 I wanted to write. 924 01:28:29,920 --> 01:28:32,123 What is a couple over time but a line? 925 01:28:36,628 --> 01:28:38,929 Year seven, I finish my dissertation. 926 01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:47,305 Year eight, I get a PhD. 927 01:29:04,021 --> 01:29:05,223 Year ten. 928 01:29:06,458 --> 01:29:07,459 We pretend. 929 01:29:12,497 --> 01:29:13,631 You said then 930 01:29:15,900 --> 01:29:18,670 you would love me until I die. 931 01:29:23,441 --> 01:29:26,344 You said we would die together in love. 932 01:29:40,124 --> 01:29:42,126 You said it to me. 933 01:29:46,197 --> 01:29:47,998 Where are you? 934 01:29:54,672 --> 01:29:56,006 Where is the man? 935 01:30:12,257 --> 01:30:14,425 Who would love a woman like me? 936 01:30:58,136 --> 01:30:59,737 Don't you dare. 937 01:31:37,642 --> 01:31:38,643 Ha. 938 01:33:01,359 --> 01:33:03,461 "The date of your reading." 939 01:33:26,851 --> 01:33:28,219 What? 940 01:33:51,909 --> 01:33:53,611 Please welcome 941 01:33:58,816 --> 01:34:01,419 reading an excerpt from her first collection 942 01:34:01,452 --> 01:34:03,387 of short stories, "Her Other Mouths," 943 01:34:03,421 --> 01:34:05,423 Lidia Yuknavitch. 944 01:34:08,193 --> 01:34:10,561 Lidia, please. Welcome. 945 01:34:25,276 --> 01:34:27,812 "The day my daughter was born. 946 01:34:29,781 --> 01:34:31,382 After I held the future. 947 01:34:35,820 --> 01:34:36,821 Stillborn. 948 01:34:40,658 --> 01:34:41,659 And pink. 949 01:34:46,831 --> 01:34:47,832 And rose-lipped. 950 01:34:51,102 --> 01:34:53,571 And rose-lipped in my shivering arms. 951 01:34:54,872 --> 01:34:56,340 Little tragedies are 952 01:34:56,374 --> 01:34:58,309 difficult to keep straight. 953 01:35:03,614 --> 01:35:07,286 Chronology convinces us we are moving toward a real place. 954 01:35:07,318 --> 01:35:09,487 Swimmers, to your marks. 955 01:35:10,955 --> 01:35:12,523 A gunshot. 956 01:35:12,557 --> 01:35:15,092 A gunshot released our tense flesh. 957 01:35:16,561 --> 01:35:18,863 Fathers were often uncontainable 958 01:35:18,896 --> 01:35:21,666 while the little women swam for their lives. 959 01:35:21,699 --> 01:35:22,767 Swim. 960 01:35:24,169 --> 01:35:25,603 Swim! 961 01:35:26,103 --> 01:35:27,605 Hurry! 962 01:35:28,739 --> 01:35:30,341 Come on, baby. 963 01:35:31,709 --> 01:35:32,710 Harder. 964 01:35:33,145 --> 01:35:34,345 Harder! 965 01:35:35,012 --> 01:35:36,114 Faster! 966 01:35:36,148 --> 01:35:39,350 A cacophony of men swelling 967 01:35:39,383 --> 01:35:43,020 and pressing down on the wet motion. 968 01:35:44,856 --> 01:35:48,926 How many times did I slip into the chlorinated depths, 969 01:35:49,827 --> 01:35:54,166 secretly hoping to shed this useless skin 970 01:35:54,199 --> 01:35:57,501 and emerge something 971 01:36:01,772 --> 01:36:02,907 amphibious 972 01:36:05,310 --> 01:36:06,644 and without gender? 973 01:36:15,419 --> 01:36:16,621 The thing is, 974 01:36:20,625 --> 01:36:23,928 this letting everything in 975 01:36:25,596 --> 01:36:27,965 and waiting to see what comes out 976 01:36:31,802 --> 01:36:32,803 is creepy 977 01:36:34,373 --> 01:36:35,573 and idiotic. 978 01:36:37,575 --> 01:36:41,313 And it's starting to piss me off 979 01:36:41,346 --> 01:36:45,449 that I have to even think about that hole. 980 01:36:46,184 --> 01:36:47,518 What I am saying is 981 01:36:52,257 --> 01:36:56,994 there is a woman in a room who is tired of looking down 982 01:37:00,198 --> 01:37:01,532 and bleeding 983 01:37:02,700 --> 01:37:03,601 and-- 984 01:37:03,634 --> 01:37:06,971 bearing and itching and aching. 985 01:37:08,506 --> 01:37:12,476 And tired of remaining open 986 01:37:12,510 --> 01:37:16,114 with no hope of suturing herself up. 987 01:37:26,657 --> 01:37:28,693 It isn't that I want it gone. 988 01:37:32,830 --> 01:37:33,831 It's that 989 01:37:34,865 --> 01:37:35,866 I want 990 01:37:36,834 --> 01:37:37,835 wanting 991 01:37:39,637 --> 01:37:43,007 to come from somewhere else. 992 01:37:48,679 --> 01:37:53,118 There are moments between years that surface with great force." 993 01:37:54,785 --> 01:37:56,754 Remind me why we're here. 994 01:37:56,787 --> 01:37:59,124 I thought this was your idea. 995 01:37:59,157 --> 01:38:00,624 I came here with you. 996 01:38:05,163 --> 01:38:06,164 Delusion. 997 01:38:08,699 --> 01:38:10,168 Grown women are idiots. 998 01:38:12,270 --> 01:38:13,271 I don't know. 999 01:38:14,473 --> 01:38:15,673 She begged. 1000 01:38:22,314 --> 01:38:23,647 I changed my name. 1001 01:38:30,054 --> 01:38:31,055 Mike! 1002 01:38:32,290 --> 01:38:34,692 Lidia! Lidia! 1003 01:38:35,394 --> 01:38:37,628 Lidia! Lidia! 1004 01:38:38,196 --> 01:38:39,964 Mike! Lidia! 1005 01:38:40,232 --> 01:38:41,799 Lidia! 1006 01:38:41,832 --> 01:38:43,901 Turn him over. Help me! 1007 01:39:03,488 --> 01:39:04,688 "Kill. 1008 01:39:06,224 --> 01:39:08,260 Or suck the killing back. 1009 01:39:13,131 --> 01:39:14,565 And pump it 1010 01:39:15,566 --> 01:39:19,204 into the story of someone else. 1011 01:39:21,972 --> 01:39:26,077 My father lost his memory from hypoxia that day. 1012 01:39:30,781 --> 01:39:32,583 I did not kill him. 1013 01:39:34,519 --> 01:39:35,953 I did not save him. 1014 01:39:37,922 --> 01:39:41,992 I am learning to live on land." 1015 01:39:45,130 --> 01:39:46,131 Um, 1016 01:39:50,734 --> 01:39:52,970 Thanks. Oh, that -- that's... 1017 01:40:07,319 --> 01:40:09,019 But have your parents read this story? 1018 01:40:09,053 --> 01:40:11,223 What do they think of it? 1019 01:40:11,256 --> 01:40:12,124 Enjoy New York. Really. 1020 01:40:12,157 --> 01:40:13,991 You're gonna get an agent outta this. 1021 01:40:17,094 --> 01:40:18,796 Lidia, it's so nice to meet you. 1022 01:40:18,829 --> 01:40:20,298 Thank you for being here. 1023 01:40:20,698 --> 01:40:21,899 Excuse me. 1024 01:40:23,201 --> 01:40:24,768 Do you have anything, um, 1025 01:40:26,138 --> 01:40:27,638 a little stronger? 1026 01:40:29,006 --> 01:40:30,007 Thanks. 1027 01:40:34,845 --> 01:40:37,081 Carol Houck Smith, Norton Publishing. 1028 01:40:39,184 --> 01:40:41,685 It's pretty impressive what you did up there. 1029 01:40:43,087 --> 01:40:44,256 Thank you. 1030 01:40:44,289 --> 01:40:48,226 No, really. It didn't look easy. 1031 01:40:49,361 --> 01:40:52,397 Tell me, is there any more where that came from? 1032 01:40:52,430 --> 01:40:55,634 Something, a little longer? 1033 01:40:58,736 --> 01:41:00,771 You should send me something. 1034 01:41:05,477 --> 01:41:06,944 It's just that 1035 01:41:09,780 --> 01:41:13,817 something in me had been born 1036 01:41:15,387 --> 01:41:16,388 still. 1037 01:41:24,094 --> 01:41:25,729 ♪ And there you got me ♪ 1038 01:41:25,763 --> 01:41:27,064 ♪ That's how you got me ♪ 1039 01:41:27,097 --> 01:41:29,367 ♪ You taught me to be mean ♪ 1040 01:41:34,239 --> 01:41:35,574 ♪ But I ♪ 1041 01:41:35,607 --> 01:41:37,142 ♪ Ran out ♪ 1042 01:41:37,175 --> 01:41:43,047 ♪ Of white dove's feathers ♪ 1043 01:41:43,080 --> 01:41:45,716 ♪ To soak up the hot ♪ 1044 01:41:45,749 --> 01:41:48,386 ♪ Piss that comes through your mouth ♪ 1045 01:41:48,420 --> 01:41:50,854 It's a small stone I carry. 1046 01:41:52,557 --> 01:41:53,757 ♪ Ohh ♪ 1047 01:41:54,825 --> 01:41:57,629 Shame of wanting something good. 1048 01:41:57,662 --> 01:42:02,133 ♪ Of white dove's feathers... ♪ 1049 01:44:42,193 --> 01:44:44,763 I told you not to fuck with me, bitch! 1050 01:44:44,796 --> 01:44:48,199 - I told you. - And you. 1051 01:44:56,708 --> 01:44:58,476 I'm fucking trash. 1052 01:45:00,645 --> 01:45:04,182 Hey, what are you doing? Keep it moving. 1053 01:45:22,333 --> 01:45:23,334 Hi. 1054 01:45:27,138 --> 01:45:29,940 Chopping block. Peer review. 1055 01:45:30,608 --> 01:45:32,110 Who wants to go first? 1056 01:45:33,478 --> 01:45:34,512 Really helpful. 1057 01:45:35,447 --> 01:45:37,582 You know, you can't live the wrong life. 1058 01:45:37,615 --> 01:45:39,350 You really can't. It's a story you were told. 1059 01:45:39,384 --> 01:45:41,352 Your one is just as important, it's your own. 1060 01:45:41,386 --> 01:45:44,955 You have to -- It has to hurt. But I'm excited for you. 1061 01:46:36,574 --> 01:46:38,041 I don't give a shit! 1062 01:46:38,075 --> 01:46:39,544 Now what? 1063 01:46:41,646 --> 01:46:43,046 Something small 1064 01:46:43,080 --> 01:46:45,048 and specific caught my eye, 1065 01:46:45,082 --> 01:46:46,851 an important detail -- 1066 01:46:46,885 --> 01:46:50,221 a bruise on the bridge of her nose letting me know that 1067 01:46:50,255 --> 01:46:51,923 her eyes were blue like mine. 1068 01:46:51,956 --> 01:46:53,157 Hey! 1069 01:46:55,426 --> 01:46:56,427 How much? 1070 01:46:59,062 --> 01:47:02,567 I pay her pimp $100. I ask her in. 1071 01:47:03,234 --> 01:47:04,702 I tell her to sit down. 1072 01:47:08,573 --> 01:47:10,341 In the story, I say, 1073 01:47:10,375 --> 01:47:12,443 "This is what it feels like to be me." 1074 01:47:14,112 --> 01:47:16,614 A woman who teaches English, 1075 01:47:16,648 --> 01:47:20,083 looking down at a woman who sucks dicks all day 1076 01:47:20,118 --> 01:47:23,187 as she sits on my couch, smoking. 1077 01:47:25,290 --> 01:47:28,726 When I look at her, I think she looks like Mary. 1078 01:47:30,528 --> 01:47:33,698 Whenever I see an image of Christ , 1079 01:47:33,731 --> 01:47:36,301 I picture Mary so drawn and gaunt and tired 1080 01:47:36,334 --> 01:47:38,202 and angry to the point of emaciation 1081 01:47:38,236 --> 01:47:40,772 that she can barely wear her own face. 1082 01:47:51,015 --> 01:47:53,585 In the story, I say, 1083 01:47:55,987 --> 01:47:57,355 "What am I gonna do? 1084 01:47:58,756 --> 01:47:59,757 Teach her?" 1085 01:48:02,493 --> 01:48:06,731 This is what me, an addict, upwardly mobile, 1086 01:48:06,764 --> 01:48:09,734 given something as infinitesimally small 1087 01:48:09,767 --> 01:48:12,604 as words to believe in, thinks. 1088 01:48:12,637 --> 01:48:15,740 I'm looking at her. 1089 01:48:19,143 --> 01:48:20,645 Offer words. 1090 01:48:34,192 --> 01:48:37,428 People say to me all the time, 1091 01:48:37,462 --> 01:48:41,432 "Did the things in your short stories actually happen?" 1092 01:48:44,535 --> 01:48:46,237 Isn't that the-- 1093 01:48:46,804 --> 01:48:48,139 the question 1094 01:48:49,207 --> 01:48:50,808 when it comes to life? 1095 01:48:56,814 --> 01:48:58,583 Did this really happen to me? 1096 01:49:07,558 --> 01:49:08,559 Andy. 1097 01:49:10,561 --> 01:49:11,562 I don't know. 1098 01:49:19,470 --> 01:49:22,573 The things that happen to us are true. 1099 01:49:24,776 --> 01:49:28,713 But writing is a whole other body. 1100 01:49:29,781 --> 01:49:32,583 I was hoping we could discuss my manuscript. 1101 01:49:33,985 --> 01:49:36,688 Oh. Of course. Yeah. 1102 01:49:39,257 --> 01:49:41,359 I also want to loan you my car. 1103 01:49:45,029 --> 01:49:46,964 Saw you were taking the bus, and 1104 01:49:48,167 --> 01:49:49,867 I happen to have two cars. 1105 01:50:04,582 --> 01:50:05,583 Hey. 1106 01:50:28,239 --> 01:50:29,540 You can tell a lot about a person 1107 01:50:29,574 --> 01:50:31,375 from seeing them in the water. 1108 01:50:33,311 --> 01:50:34,512 Thank you. 1109 01:50:37,715 --> 01:50:40,418 -For what? -For letting me swim with you. 1110 01:50:41,120 --> 01:50:42,620 I read a couple of your stories. 1111 01:50:42,653 --> 01:50:44,822 I know that swimming's a big deal. 1112 01:50:46,158 --> 01:50:48,025 I always let my students choose the venue. 1113 01:50:49,228 --> 01:50:50,428 You know, I wanted to say 1114 01:50:50,461 --> 01:50:52,830 I've seen you a couple of times before. 1115 01:50:52,864 --> 01:50:55,333 Yeah, I read about Ken Kesey teaching at U of O 1116 01:50:55,366 --> 01:50:57,769 when I was abroad, and I applied to the program, 1117 01:50:57,802 --> 01:50:59,403 but it already happened. 1118 01:51:00,239 --> 01:51:01,806 No shit. That's funny. 1119 01:51:01,839 --> 01:51:03,441 Yeah, I know. 1120 01:51:03,474 --> 01:51:05,210 And then I seen you stomping around 1121 01:51:05,244 --> 01:51:06,778 the creative writing department. 1122 01:51:08,646 --> 01:51:10,648 I was in the reading you gave at Gerlinger. 1123 01:51:13,818 --> 01:51:14,952 Wow. That's... 1124 01:51:18,356 --> 01:51:20,558 That's weird. Weird. 1125 01:51:24,263 --> 01:51:25,997 That was a weird day for me. 1126 01:51:28,833 --> 01:51:29,834 Why? 1127 01:51:38,709 --> 01:51:39,710 My father 1128 01:51:42,847 --> 01:51:43,848 was--my-- 1129 01:51:45,117 --> 01:51:46,317 my father... 1130 01:51:49,921 --> 01:51:51,355 Your father? 1131 01:51:53,391 --> 01:51:54,592 Was abusive. 1132 01:51:58,062 --> 01:51:59,030 Your father. 1133 01:52:02,134 --> 01:52:03,334 How so? 1134 01:52:05,770 --> 01:52:06,771 Sexual. 1135 01:52:07,405 --> 01:52:08,606 Oh. 1136 01:52:10,374 --> 01:52:11,576 That sucks. 1137 01:52:20,785 --> 01:52:23,921 I hope something karmically fucked happened to him. 1138 01:52:25,290 --> 01:52:26,490 Yeah. 1139 01:52:29,627 --> 01:52:31,529 It kind of actually--it did. 1140 01:52:32,964 --> 01:52:34,233 Excellent, then. 1141 01:52:40,339 --> 01:52:41,873 Uh, I, um-- 1142 01:52:42,540 --> 01:52:44,176 Blah. It was a long time ago. 1143 01:52:44,209 --> 01:52:46,377 I was a totally different person then. 1144 01:52:48,045 --> 01:52:49,513 So who are you now? 1145 01:52:52,049 --> 01:52:53,384 I'm your teacher. 1146 01:52:59,957 --> 01:53:02,560 So, Teach, are you gonna take my car? 1147 01:53:26,484 --> 01:53:28,052 I don't quite know how to tell you 1148 01:53:28,085 --> 01:53:29,720 what it feels like. 1149 01:53:32,623 --> 01:53:35,793 Watching the little woman swim for her life. 1150 01:53:39,063 --> 01:53:40,965 I mean. 1151 01:54:02,220 --> 01:54:04,122 Are you fucking insane? 1152 01:54:11,729 --> 01:54:12,730 No. 1153 01:54:22,274 --> 01:54:24,008 You think I'm someone else. 1154 01:54:25,776 --> 01:54:26,777 Hm-mm. 1155 01:54:32,117 --> 01:54:33,884 I can see the mother in you. 1156 01:54:43,561 --> 01:54:46,164 There's more to your story than you think. 1157 01:56:41,179 --> 01:56:44,615 - Oh it's, very nice. - This is it. 1158 01:56:44,648 --> 01:56:46,151 Very nice. 1159 01:56:47,419 --> 01:56:49,221 Well, we're just gonna go this way, sir, on the left. 1160 01:56:49,254 --> 01:56:50,621 Oh. 1161 01:57:10,841 --> 01:57:13,043 What about the room? 1162 01:57:13,077 --> 01:57:15,280 They said it would be ready tomorrow for sure. 1163 01:57:15,547 --> 01:57:16,747 Okay. 1164 01:57:20,185 --> 01:57:22,953 That must have been a very weird ride. 1165 01:57:28,627 --> 01:57:29,827 Thank you. 1166 01:57:30,961 --> 01:57:32,830 You don't ever have to say thank you to me. 1167 01:57:40,172 --> 01:57:41,672 I'm good. 1168 01:57:42,207 --> 01:57:43,208 Yeah? 1169 01:57:43,941 --> 01:57:45,075 Yeah. 1170 01:57:59,191 --> 01:58:00,358 Hi, Dad. 1171 01:58:00,392 --> 01:58:01,792 Marilou? 1172 01:58:02,394 --> 01:58:04,094 No. It's me. It's Lidia. 1173 01:58:04,895 --> 01:58:06,431 I know that, kiddo. 1174 01:58:17,775 --> 01:58:19,110 I read that book. 1175 01:58:20,010 --> 01:58:21,712 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 1176 01:58:23,381 --> 01:58:24,982 Do you know who wrote it? 1177 01:58:25,550 --> 01:58:26,750 Oh. 1178 01:58:29,554 --> 01:58:30,754 You. 1179 01:58:31,590 --> 01:58:32,756 That's right. 1180 01:58:36,428 --> 01:58:38,296 Did you read all of the stories? 1181 01:58:38,330 --> 01:58:39,297 I, uh, 1182 01:58:40,998 --> 01:58:42,967 There was one about swimming. 1183 01:58:45,670 --> 01:58:46,870 I liked that. 1184 01:58:49,106 --> 01:58:50,108 Thank you. 1185 01:58:52,210 --> 01:58:54,412 Not very flattering of me, though. 1186 01:58:57,449 --> 01:58:59,150 That's fair enough. 1187 01:58:59,184 --> 01:59:00,185 Ah. 1188 01:59:08,092 --> 01:59:11,895 You know, I won a prize for that story. 1189 01:59:13,298 --> 01:59:14,798 I got to go to New York. 1190 01:59:21,172 --> 01:59:22,173 Huh. 1191 01:59:24,576 --> 01:59:26,478 Well, isn't that something, huh? 1192 01:59:31,316 --> 01:59:32,450 It's beautiful here. 1193 01:59:35,886 --> 01:59:38,022 It's a real home you have here. 1194 01:59:43,194 --> 01:59:44,229 Well done. 1195 01:59:45,563 --> 01:59:46,564 Well done, you. 1196 01:59:48,633 --> 01:59:51,068 The safest memories are locked away in the brains 1197 01:59:51,101 --> 01:59:52,504 of people who can't remember. 1198 01:59:52,537 --> 01:59:55,307 Oh, oh! Get her, Mike! Get her, Mike! 1199 01:59:57,575 --> 01:59:59,076 You know I don't swim. Claudia, go get your sister. 1200 02:00:01,045 --> 02:00:03,214 Underwater forever. 1201 02:00:05,583 --> 02:00:07,218 There you go, pal. 1202 02:00:08,753 --> 02:00:10,821 Look, I'm doing 'wimming. 1203 02:00:11,189 --> 02:00:14,225 Wow! 1204 02:00:22,866 --> 02:00:24,101 What's wrong? 1205 02:00:24,135 --> 02:00:25,903 The water will go in my 1206 02:00:25,936 --> 02:00:29,441 nose and ears and into my brain. 1207 02:00:31,409 --> 02:00:32,976 Uh, Miles? 1208 02:00:35,747 --> 02:00:38,616 How many times have you seen 1209 02:00:38,650 --> 02:00:41,252 Mama swimming and swimming laps? 1210 02:00:43,154 --> 02:00:45,490 -Lots of times, right? -Yeah. 1211 02:00:45,523 --> 02:00:48,760 Have you ever noticed 1212 02:00:48,793 --> 02:00:52,029 that I've never got water in my brain? 1213 02:00:55,233 --> 02:00:57,268 Water's never gone into my brain. 1214 02:00:57,836 --> 02:00:59,036 You want to see? 1215 02:00:59,069 --> 02:01:00,772 -Huh. -Watch this. 1216 02:01:00,805 --> 02:01:02,507 Tell me how much water goes in my brain. 1217 02:01:02,540 --> 02:01:03,541 -Okay? -Okay. 1218 02:01:14,119 --> 02:01:15,253 See? 1219 02:01:15,286 --> 02:01:16,287 Mm-hmm. 1220 02:01:16,821 --> 02:01:18,189 Okay, pull. 1221 02:01:18,223 --> 02:01:21,024 I have a very important game. 1222 02:01:22,960 --> 02:01:25,830 I'm gonna put my whole head underwater. 1223 02:01:26,865 --> 02:01:28,065 Okay. 1224 02:01:28,098 --> 02:01:31,068 And we look at each other underwater. 1225 02:01:32,970 --> 02:01:35,540 -What game is this? -I made it up. 1226 02:01:48,085 --> 02:01:49,554 The key is, 1227 02:01:51,556 --> 02:01:52,557 make up shit. 1228 02:02:02,333 --> 02:02:05,470 I'm not speaking out of my asshole when I say this. 1229 02:02:07,739 --> 02:02:08,939 Come in. 1230 02:02:12,075 --> 02:02:13,611 The water will hold you. 1231 02:04:53,571 --> 02:04:56,274 Anything. Anywhere. Anytime.